Time: Wed Jun 11 12:21:50 1997
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	Wed, 11 Jun 1997 12:20:27 -0700 (MST)
Date: Wed, 11 Jun 1997 12:19:31 -0700
To: (Recipient list suppressed)
From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: SLS: News of the Future - Here Already (aka "Talking Pickles")

<snip>
>
>This article is copyrighted by NET- Political NewsTalk Network:
>
>NEWS OF THE FUTURE - HERE ALREADY
>
>Commentary by Brad Keena
>
>Thirty years ago, anyone who would have correctly guessed the headlines of
>the nineties would have been dismissed as fool for dreaming up such silly
>predictions. Even twenty years ago, anyone who could have recited today's
>headlines would have been laughed at. Here's a sample from today's news:
>
>WASHINGTON - Several members of Congress are now publicly questioning the
>military's rules against adultery. This following the news an Air Force
>general today withdrew from consideration to become the nation's top
>military officer because of the uproar over an adulterous affair he had 13
>years ago.
>
>WASHINGTON - The U.S. Supreme Court today said it will decide the issue of
>whether a man can sue his boss for sexual harassment if the boss is also a
>man.
>
>WASHINGTON - A new advocacy group is demanding legalized human cloning.
>"Every individual should be able to make himself or herself," said the
>leader of the group, Clone Rights United Front.
>
>ABERDEEN TWP., NJ - In New Jersey, officials say a young woman attending
>her high school prom Friday gave birth in a restroom, left the baby to die
>in a trash can and returned to the dance floor to resume dancing with her
>boyfriend.
>
>ORLANDO - Disney World rapped up another weekend celebrating homosexuality
>at its Florida theme park. 60,000 homosexuals visited Disney World for the
>so-called "Gay Days" event, which this year included men dressed as female
>Disney characters. Twenty years ago, we would have been shocked to read
>these headlines, except on April fools day. Today, such headlines are
>commonplace. So, what about the news of tomorrow? If yesterday's outrage is
>today's news, it is fair to suggest that today's outrage will tomorrow's
news.
>
>To help you prepare for it, I've written several headlines for the future.
>I call it "news of tomorrow." And because tomorrow may be here sooner than
>we think, I've decided to write the headlines ten years out:
>
>WASHINGTON (2007, ten years from now) - President Louis Farrakhan today
>outlawed Christianity by signing legislation which Congress approved last
>week under the title "Three Prayers and You're Out."
>
>LONG BEACH (2007, ten years from now) - California today declared war on
>Utah. California premier Cho Deng Ping said California's newly organized
>People's Liberation Army had run out of Californians to "liberate," adding,
>"Since Utah was still free, we decided 'why not?'"
>
>CHICAGO (2007, ten years from now) - The National Endowment for the Arts
>today awarded its highest grant to a Peoria preschooler. The NEA admitted
>judges didn't realize the age of the artist when making its selection,
>nevertheless awarding the one million dollar grant to three-year-old Lenny
>Goffe for his fingerprint portrayal of a talking pickle with ears.
>
>DETROIT (2007, ten years from now) - Wayne County, Michigan, officials
>today unveiled the new Kevorkian Memorial Hospital. The new facility is
>named after a local hero, former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Jack Kevorkian.
>The motto of the hospital is "You only come here once."
>
>WASHINGTON (2007, ten years from now) - Senate Speaker pro-tem Trent Lott
>today announced he will resign from the Democratic Party to become the 51st
>member of the Islamic Party. The Switch now gives the Islamic Party a
>working majority in all three houses of Congress - black, white and
>transgender.
>
>CINCINNATI (2007, ten years from now) - The Animal Rights Party today
>nominated the nation's first animal presidential candidate. On the third
>ballot, Animal Rights Party conventioneers selected "BoBo" the Orangutan -
>a liberal - over rival candidate Hillary Clinton - a serpent. And finally .
>. .
>
>KANSAS CITY (2007, ten years from now) - Officials at the
>Albright/Izebegovic Political Reeducation Center are now admitting that
>human rights activist Paul Weyrich will never be released from the gulag.
>And that's today's news of tomorrow. Surprised? Don't be. These and other
>headlines are right around the corner. Visit Disney World and you'll see
>what I mean.
>
>
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>

========================================================================
Paul Andrew Mitchell                 : Counselor at Law, federal witness
B.A., Political Science, UCLA;  M.S., Public Administration, U.C. Irvine

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