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Date: Fri, 25 Jul 1997 13:55:29 -0700
To: (Recipient list suppressed)
From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: SLS: Courtroom Humor (fwd)
<snip>
>
>Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal,
>
>the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys
>during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful
>witnesses.
> 1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
>
> 2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
>
> 3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
>
> 4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"
>
> 5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
>
> 6. "Did he kill you?"
>
> 7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
>
> 8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
>
> 9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
>
> 10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
> A: "Yes."
> Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
>
> 11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
> A: "Yes."
> Q: "How many were boys?"
> A: "None."
> Q: "Were there any girls?"
>
> 12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
> A: "Yes."
> Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
>
> 13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,
> didn't you?"
> A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
> Q: "And you took your new wife?"
>
> 14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
> A: "By death."
> Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
>
> 15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
> A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
> Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
>
> 16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
> A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
>
> 17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
> people?"
> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
>
> 18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did
> you go to?"
> A: "Oral."
>
> 19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
> A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
> Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
> A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
> doing an autopsy."
>
> 20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
> A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
>
>21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
> A: "I have been since early childhood."
>
>===============================================
>
>Have a Nice Day :o)
>
>
>
>
========================================================================
Paul Andrew Mitchell : Counselor at Law, federal witness
B.A., Political Science, UCLA; M.S., Public Administration, U.C. Irvine
tel: (520) 320-1514: machine; fax: (520) 320-1256: 24-hour/day-night
email: [address in tool bar] : using Eudora Pro 3.0.3 on 586 CPU
website: http://www.supremelaw.com : visit the Supreme Law Library now
ship to: c/o 2509 N. Campbell, #1776 : this is free speech, at its best
Tucson, Arizona state : state zone, not the federal zone
Postal Zone 85719/tdc : USPS delays first class w/o this
As agents of the Most High, we came here to establish justice. We shall
not leave, until our mission is accomplished and justice reigns eternal.
========================================================================
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