Time: Fri Jul 25 14:49:48 1997 by primenet.com (8.8.5/8.8.5) with ESMTP id NAA00268 for [address in tool bar]; Fri, 25 Jul 1997 13:58:53 -0700 (MST) by usr07.primenet.com (8.8.5/8.8.5) with SMTP id NAA20708; Fri, 25 Jul 1997 13:56:02 -0700 (MST) Date: Fri, 25 Jul 1997 13:55:29 -0700 To: (Recipient list suppressed) From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar] Subject: SLS: Courtroom Humor (fwd) <snip> > >Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, > >the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys >during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful >witnesses. > 1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, > he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" > > 2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?" > > 3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?" > > 4. "Were you alone or by yourself?" > > 5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?" > > 6. "Did he kill you?" > > 7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" > > 8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" > > 9. "How many times have you committed suicide?" > > 10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?" > A: "Yes." > Q: "And what were you doing at that time?" > > 11. Q: "She had three children, right?" > A: "Yes." > Q: "How many were boys?" > A: "None." > Q: "Were there any girls?" > > 12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" > A: "Yes." > Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?" > > 13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, > didn't you?" > A: "I went to Europe, Sir." > Q: "And you took your new wife?" > > 14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?" > A: "By death." > Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?" > > 15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?" > A: "He was about medium height and had a beard." > Q: "Was this a male, or a female?" > > 16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a > deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?" > A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work." > > 17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead > people?" > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people." > > 18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did > you go to?" > A: "Oral." > > 19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" > A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.." > Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" > A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was > doing an autopsy." > > 20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?" > A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel." > >21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?" > A: "I have been since early childhood." > >=============================================== > >Have a Nice Day :o) > > > > ======================================================================== Paul Andrew Mitchell : Counselor at Law, federal witness B.A., Political Science, UCLA; M.S., Public Administration, U.C. Irvine tel: (520) 320-1514: machine; fax: (520) 320-1256: 24-hour/day-night email: [address in tool bar] : using Eudora Pro 3.0.3 on 586 CPU website: http://www.supremelaw.com : visit the Supreme Law Library now ship to: c/o 2509 N. Campbell, #1776 : this is free speech, at its best Tucson, Arizona state : state zone, not the federal zone Postal Zone 85719/tdc : USPS delays first class w/o this As agents of the Most High, we came here to establish justice. We shall not leave, until our mission is accomplished and justice reigns eternal. ======================================================================== [This text formatted on-screen in Courier 11, non-proportional spacing.]
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