Time: Tue Aug 05 06:58:29 1997
by usr10.primenet.com (8.8.5/8.8.5) with SMTP id FAA12163;
Tue, 5 Aug 1997 05:59:04 -0700 (MST)
Date: Tue, 05 Aug 1997 05:58:12 -0700
To: (Recipient list suppressed)
From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: SLS: Humor Break -- PC Virus Alert (read "Politically Correct")
<snip>
>
>>Request you immediately scan your computer for the following viruses:
>>
>>PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly
>>about foreign software.
>>
>>COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything.
>>Secretly, you wish it would.
>>
>>HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a
>>year later, in another directory.
>>
>>O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you
>>just can't prove it.
>>
>>BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much
>>of a threat.
>>
>>STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files are reported as the same size.
>>
>>PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It
>warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C.
>>
>>POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus," but
>>instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."
>>
>>ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before
>>the whole thing quits.
>>
>>TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
>>
>>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but we
>>cant figyour outt watt!
>>
>>GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
>>software says everything is fine.
>>
>>NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
>>people really mad just thinking about it.
>>
>>FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
>>units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to
>be the
>>most important part of your computer.
>>
>>GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of
>their
>>data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
>>
>>TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
>>
>>ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
>>
>>CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in
>>half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The
>>message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
>>
>>AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
>>
>>FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
>>motherboard.
>>
>>PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
>>
>>ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self destructs,
>>only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural
>America.
>>
>>OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
>>
>>NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
>>
>>SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
>>supply, and a set of shocks.
>>
>>JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
>>
>>KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
>>
>>STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
>>before.
>>
>>HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and
>>sends you a bill for $4,500.
>>
>
>
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>
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>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>
========================================================================
Paul Andrew Mitchell : Counselor at Law, federal witness
B.A., Political Science, UCLA; M.S., Public Administration, U.C. Irvine
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