Time: Sun Sep 21 11:53:23 1997 by usr05.primenet.com (8.8.5/8.8.5) with SMTP id KAA27630; Sun, 21 Sep 1997 10:00:53 -0700 (MST) Date: Sun, 21 Sep 1997 10:00:34 -0700 To: believer@telepath.com From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar] Subject: SLS: Because Ridicule is a Weapon Quoting now: Words "learned in law" were omitted as unnecessary. Such requirement is not made of United States judges and no reason appears to make a distinction respecting United States Attorneys. [sic] Historical and Statutory Notes under 28 U.S.C. 541. United States attorneys, in "Federal Civil Judicial Procedure and Rules," West Publishing Company (1996 edition) At 11:41 AM 9/21/97 -0500, you wrote: >Forwarded: >-------------- > >Subject: BASIC ENGLISH AND MATH TEST FOR FEDERAL POLITICIANS > >Because ridicule is a weapon. : >============================================================ > >Congress and the Clinton administration have recently contemplated (if it can >be said that either has ever contemplated anything) a proposal to set >national educational standards, then test all fourth graders for reading >ability and all eighth graders for math skills. > >One question that has so far gone unasked is this: what qualifies politicians >even to *discuss* standards, let alone impose them upon others? Given the >standards of most politicians for ethics, personal hygiene, and relevance to >the real world, we're not sure we want them setting standards for anyone >else. > >Nevertheless, and much to our surprise, the Beltway Bullies have accidentally >hit upon a good idea this time -- just not in quite the way they intended. > If they believe it is important to test school children, think how much more >vital it is that we test our would-be rulers -- those selfsame congresspeople >and administrators -- for some minimum level of knowledge and skill. > >Herewith we present: > >THE SACREDBULL BASIC ENGLISH AND >MATH TEST FOR FEDERAL POLITICIANS > >SECTION I: Competency in English > >1. The phrase, "Congress shall make no law..." means > >a. Congress shall make no law... >b. Congress shall make some laws... >c. Americans can do anything they want, except things my colleagues and I, or >our largest contributors, personally dislike. >d. Congress can do anything it damn well pleases, starting with stacking the >courts with our toadies. > >2. What is the correct interpretation of the phrase "...the right of the >people...shall not be infringed"? > >a. The right of the people...shall not be infringed. >b. The right of the people...shall be infringed, but only gradually, >moderately and for the good of children and battered women (except the ones >we batter). >c. The right of the people is actually a state's right and the states are a >bunch of wusses who'll put up with anything as long as we offer them enough >tax-funded loot in return for selling out their citizens. >d. The people are all sitting on their butts watching TV, so we can infringe >any damn thing we feel like infringing, and we'll get the media to screw you >if you think otherwise. > >3. What is the meaning of the phrase, "The powers ... are reserved to the >states, or to the people..." > >a. The powers...are reserved to the states, or to the people... >b. The interstate commerce clause gives us the authority to do anything. >Therefore there are no other powers left to reserve for those other twits. >Too bad for them. >c. Where'd you get a stupid idea like that? We're more powerful and have >bigger guns than they do, and that's all that really matters, isn't it? >d. Hahahahahahahahahaha! > >4. Essay Question: Write a bill (a proposed law, you twit) in plain English, >for once. We just want to see if you can do it. Extra credit if it's >constitutional or can be read and understood in less than ten minutes by a >high school student of average intelligence. > > >SECTION II: Competency in Mathematics > >1. A fugitive oil baron named Roger gives $300,000 to the Democratic National >Committee for the specific purpose of gaining "access" to the president. For >that, he is given six invitations to the White House, but does not get the >pipeline he wanted. How much money should Roger give to the DNC next time? > >a. Nothing. People shouldn't be able to bribe their way into the presence of >public officials. >b. This is a trick question. Next time, a Republican president might be in >office, and Roger should give his money to the RNC, instead. >c. I know the president. If Roger gives me the money, I'll give Roger >access. Heck, I'll even throw in some hot babes, since Roger said the babes >at the White House were too busy stroking Clinton to pay any attention to >him. >d. $600,000. (Roger's answer, in testimony before Congress 9/18/97.) > >2. According to the administration's own projections, Americans will soon >face an 82 percent income tax rate if present entitlement programs and levels >of federal growth persist. How many years before American citizens to rise >up in rebellion? > >a. Americans should never be driven to that kind of desperation. We should >immediately begin rolling the federal government back to constitutional >levels. >b. Don't worry, we're going to reform the tax system and, as Rep. Mitch >McConnell says, "virtually abolish the IRS as we know it"; we'll just have an >82 percent national sales tax, instead. >c. As soon as my term in office is over and I can get an oceanside place in >Costa Rica, complete with Uzi-toting bodyguards. >d. What do we care? We'll just let Janet burn the little jerks and claim >they committed suicide. > >3. The federal budget is...oh...some great big figure in the gazillions The >national debt is probably about five trillion dollars, give or take. The >annual deficit is, you know, billions and billions and billions (not counting >off-budget stuff like Amtrak and the Post Office). Budgets for Social >Security and Medicare are increasing at some really wowie-zow of a percent >every year. (Not like you care what the actual figures are, anyway.) >Congress and the president have just cooked up a tax cut package filled with >goodies for favored special interests. Please explain how you can claim the >budget will be balanced by 2002. > >a. We can't do it without extreme cutbacks in government. Anybody who says >we can is lying like a congressman. >b. Revenues will...uh...yeah...revenues will increase because of all those >tax breaks and...uh...the economy will be just perfect forever and ever >and...uh...maybe some plague or something will come along and kill off all >those money-sucking old folks...or something like that, maybe. >c. The media said it's true, didn't they? What more proof do you want? >d. Hey, that's for the suckers who are here in 2002 to figure out. I'll be >in Costa Rica by then. >e. Well, actually, now that I think about it, I'll be in some other country >with an army so they can fight off the U.S. troops who will be sent to take >my loot like they did Noriega's. Like, hey, I stole mine fair and square! > >Correct answers: B, C, D and E (From the politicians' point of view, that >is. Hey, you know, whatever we can get away with while the folks are >watching TV...) > >Correct answer, in reality: L-E-A-D T-H-E-R-A-P-Y > >----- >(c) 1997 Charles Curley and Claire Wolfe. Permission to reprint freely >granted > > > > > > > > >********************************************** >To subscribe or unsubscribe, email: > majordomo@majordomo.pobox.com >with the message: > subscribe ignition-point email@address >or > unsubscribe ignition-point email@address >********************************************** >http://www.telepath.com/believer >********************************************** > > ======================================================================== Paul Andrew Mitchell : Counselor at Law, federal witness B.A., Political Science, UCLA; M.S., Public Administration, U.C. Irvine tel: (520) 320-1514: machine; fax: (520) 320-1256: 24-hour/day-night email: [address in tool bar] : using Eudora Pro 3.0.3 on 586 CPU website: http://www.supremelaw.com : visit the Supreme Law Library now ship to: c/o 2509 N. Campbell, #1776 : this is free speech, at its best Tucson, Arizona state : state zone, not the federal zone Postal Zone 85719/tdc : USPS delays first class w/o this As agents of the Most High, we came here to establish justice. We shall not leave, until our mission is accomplished and justice reigns eternal. ======================================================================== [This text formatted on-screen in Courier 11, non-proportional spacing.]
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