Time: Fri Sep 19 23:44:31 1997
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Date: Fri, 19 Sep 1997 22:09:10 -0700
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From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: SLS: Woe unto you Lawyers

>	       Something you knew along!!!
>     The first thing we do, lets kill all the lawyers
>	 (King Henry the Sixth, IV, ii 86)
>		Woe unto you Lawyers
>		   (Luke 11:52)
>     ...There was another point which a little
>     perplexed him at present.  I had said, that some
>     of our crew left their country on account of
>     being ruined by law; but he was at a loss how it
>     should come to pass, that the law which was
>     intended for every man's preservation, should be
>     any man's ruin.  Therefore he desired to be
>     further satisfied what I meant by law, and the
>     dispensers thereof.....
>     I assured his Honour, that law was a science
>     wherein I had not much conversed .....  however,
>     I would give him all the satisfaction I was able.
>     There was a society of men among us, bred up from
>     their youth in the art of proving by words
>     multiplied for the purpose, that white is black,
>     and black is white, according as they are paid.
>     To this society all the rest of the people are
>     slaves. For example, if my neighbor hath a mind
>     to my cow, he hires a lawyer to prove that he
>     ought to have my cow from me. I must then hire
>     another to defend my right, it being against all
>     rules of law that any man should be allowed to
>     speak for himself.
>     Now in this case I am the right owner lie under
>     two great disadvantages. First, my lawyer,
>     being practiced almost from his cradle in
>     defending falsehood, is quite out of his element
>     when he would be an advocate for justice, which
>     as an office unnatural, he always attempts with
>     ill-will.
>     The second disadvantage is that my lawyer must
>     proceed with great caution, or else he will be
>     reprimanded by the judges, and abhorred by his
>     brethren, as one that would lessen the practice
>     of the law. And therefore I have but two methods
>     to preserve my cow. The first is to gain over my
>     adversary's lawyer with a double fee, who will
>     then betray his client by insinuating that he
>     hath justice on his side. The second way is for
>     my lawyer to make my cause appear as unjust as he
>     can, by allowing the cow to belong to my
>     adversary; and this, if it be skillfully done,
>     will go a great way towards obtaining a favorable
>     verdict; it having been found, from a careful
>     observation of issues and events, that the wrong
>     side, under the management of such practitioners,
>     has the fairer chance for success.
>     Now, your Honour is to know that these judges are
>     persons appointed to decide all controversies of
>     property, as well as for the trial of criminals,
>     and are picked out from the most dexterous
>     lawyers, who are grown old or lazy. And having
>     been biased all their lives against truth and
>     equity, are under such a fatal necessity of
>     favoring fraud, perjury, and oppression, that I
>     have known several of them to refuse a large
>     bribe from the side of where justice lay, rather
>     than injure the facility, by doing anything
>     unbecoming their nature or their office.
>     It is a maxim among these lawyers, that whatever
>     hath been done before may legally be done again;
>     and therefore they take special care to record
>     all the decisions formerly made against common
>     justice and the general reason of mankind. These,
>     under the name of "precedents", they produce as
>     authorities, to justify the most iniquitous; and
>     the judges never fail of directing accordingly.
>     In pleading they studiously avoid entering into
>     the merits of the cause, but are loud, violent,
>     and tedious in dwelling upon all circumstances
>     which are not to the purpose. For instance, in
>     the case already mentioned, they never desire to
>     know what claim or title my adversary hath to my
>     cow; but whether the said cow were red or black,
>     her horns long or short, whether she was milked
>     at home or abroad, and the like; after which they
>     consult precedents, adjourn the cause from time
>     to time and in ten, twenty, or thirty years come
>     to an issue.
>     It is likewise to be observed, that this society
>     hath a peculiar cant and jargon of their own,
>     that no other mortal can understand, and wherein
>     all their laws are written, whereby they have
>     wholly con- founded the very essence of truth and
>     falsehood.
>     In the trial of persons accused for crimes
>     against the state the method is much more short
>     and commendable; the judge first sends to sound
>     the disposition of those in power, after which he
>     can easily hang or save the criminal strictly
>     preserving all due forms of law.
>     Here my master interposed, saying it was a pity
>     that creatures endowed with such prodigious
>     abilities of mind were not rather encouraged to
>     be instructors of others in wisdom and knowledge.
>     In answer I assured him that in all points out of
>     their trade, they were the most ignorant and
>     stupid generations among us, and equally disposed
>     to pervert the general reason of mankind in every
>     other subject of discourse as in that of
>     their own profession.
>     GULLIVER'S TRAVELS,  Part IV; Chapter V; 1735
>      --- Jonathan Swift
>     For every age, a group of bright boys, learned in
>     their trade and jealous of their learning who
>     blend technical competence with plain and fancy
>     hocus-pocus to make themselves masters of their
>     fellowman...
>     We cannot die and leave our property to our
>     children without calling on the lawyers to guide
>     us through a maze of confusing gestures and
>     formalities that lawyers have created. Why should
>     not a man who wants to leave his property to his
>     wife at the death say in his will, "I will
>     everything I own to go to my wife when I die",
>     instead of having to hire a lawyer and go through
>     a long rigmarole of legal language? It is through
>     the medium of their weird and wordy mental
>     gymnastics that the lawyers lay down the rules
>     under which we live. And it is only because the
>     average man cannot play their game, and so cannot
>     see for himself how instrinsically empty of
>     meaning their playthings are, that the lawyers
>     continue to get away with it. The legal trade, in
>     short, is nothing but a high class racket...
>     If the ordinary man could see in black and white
>     how silly and irrelevant and unnecessary it all
>     is, he might be persuaded, in a peaceful way, to
>     take control of his civilization out of the hands
>     of these modern purveyors of streamlined voodoo
>     and chromium-plated theology, the lawyers.
>			      Fred Rodell (Professor
>			       - Yale Law School)
>     If there is a stain on the record of our
>     forefathers, a dark hour in the earliest history
>     of the American colonies, it would be the hanging
>     of the so-called "witches" at Salem.
>     But that was a pinpoint in place and time - a
>     brief lapse of hysteria.  For the most part, our
>     seventeenth-century colonists were scrupulously
>     fair, even in fear.
>     There was one group they feared with reason - a
>     society, you might say, whose often insidious
>     craft had claimed a multitude of victims, ever
>     since the Middle Ages in Europe.
>     One group of people were hated and feared from
>     Massachusetts to Virginia. The magistrates would
>     not burn them at the stake, although surely a
>     great many of the colonists might have
>     recommended such a solution. Our forefathers were
>     baffled by them.
>     In the first place, where did they come from? Of
>     all who sailed from England to Plymouth in 1620,
>     not one of those two-legged vermin was abroad.
>     "Vermin." That's what the colonist called them.
>     Parasites who fed on human misery, spreading
>     sorrow and confusion wherever they went.
>     "Destructive," they were called.
>     And still they were permitted coexistence with
>     the colonists. For a while, anyway. Of course,
>     there were colonial laws prohibiting the practice
>     of their infamous craft. Somehow a way was always
>     found around those laws.
>     In 1641, Massachusetts Bay colony took a novel
>     approach to the problem. The governors attempted
>     to starve those "devils" out of existence through
>     economic exclusion. They were denied wages, and
>     thereby  it was hoped that they would perish.
>     Four years later, Virginia followed the example
>     of Massachusetts Bay, and for a while it seemed
>     that the dilemma had been resolved.
>     It had not. Somehow, the parasites managed to
>     survive, and the mere nearness of them made the
>     colonists' skin crawl.
>     In 1658 in Virginia the final solution:
>     Banishment. Exile. The "treacherous one" were
>     cast out of the colony.  At last, after decades
>     of enduring the psychological gloom, the sun came
>     out and the birds sang and all was right with the
>     world. And the elation continue for a generation.
>     I'm not sure why the Virginians eventually
>     allowed the outcasts to return, but they did. In
>     1680, after twenty-two years, they despised ones
>     were readmitted to the colony on the condition
>     they be subjected to the strictest surveillance.
>     How soon we forget!
>     For indeed, over the next half-century or so, the
>     imposed restrictions were slowly, quietly swept
>     away. And those whose treachery had been feared
>     since the Middle Ages ultimately took their place
>     in society.
>     You see, the "vermin" that once infested colonial
>     America, the parasites who preyed on the
>     misfortune of their neighbors until finally they
>     were officially banished from Virginia, those
>     dreaded, despised, outcast masters of confusion
>     were lawyers.  (from paul Harvey's THE REST OF
>     THE STORY)
>     I think we may class the lawyer in the natural
>     history of monsters.  (John Keats)
>     Enemies to all knowledge and learning. (Jonathan
>     Swift)
>     One who helps you get what's coming to him
>     (Anon).
>     A liar with a permit to practice (Anon)
>     Woe to those who enact evil statutes, and to
>     those who constantly record unjust decisions, so
>     as to deprive the needy of justice, and rob the
>     poor of My people of their rights...Now what will
>     you do in the day of punishment, and in the
>     devastation which will come from afar? To whom
>     will you flee for help? And where will you leave
>     your wealth?  (Isaiah, Chapter 10, ver. 1-3)

Paul Andrew Mitchell                 : Counselor at Law, federal witness
B.A., Political Science, UCLA;  M.S., Public Administration, U.C. Irvine

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