Time: Tue Mar 04 22:32:41 1997 by primenet.com (8.8.5/8.8.5) with SMTP id VAA02466 for [address in tool bar]; Tue, 4 Mar 1997 21:21:43 -0700 (MST) Delivered-To: liberty-and-justice-outgoing@majordomo.pobox.com Date: Tue, 04 Mar 1997 22:17:36 -0800 To: (Recipient list suppressed) From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar] Subject: L&J: SLS: Humor Break (fwd) <snip> >ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES > > Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. >Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one >of these magnets. > >Hello, this is KVKE, you're on the air. > > (Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, >please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, >please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial >your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press >star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. >If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press >star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP. > > This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name >and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's >word is "supercilious". > > Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know >who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang >up. > > I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid >talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help >me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks. > > Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for >Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear? ... BEEP > > Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the >shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... >(Cachunk!) > > Thank you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on >your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your >touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch >tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it >is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big >time phone system. > > I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to >the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this >message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, >except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I >mean, like, wait. This is so confusing. > > The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new number >is 226-0477. Please make a note of it. > > You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice >patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once >this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice >for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no >charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional >extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain >the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of >payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you. > > > >Have a great day! > >Jack In Illinois >The Impact Voters Of America (sm) > >Communications without intelligence is noise! >Intelligence without communication is irrelevant! ======================================================================== Paul Andrew, Mitchell, B.A., M.S. : Counselor at Law, federal witness email: [address in tool bar] : Eudora Pro 3.0.1 on Intel 586 CPU web site: http://www.supremelaw.com : library & law school registration ship to: c/o 2509 N. Campbell, #1776 : this is free speech, at its best Tucson, Arizona state : state zone, not the federal zone Postal Zone 85719/tdc : USPS delays first class w/o this ======================================================================== =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Unsub info - send e-mail to majordomo@majordomo.pobox.com, with "unsubscribe liberty-and-justice" in the body (not the subject) Liberty-and-Justice list-owner is Mike Goldman <whig@pobox.com>
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