Time: Sat Nov 02 19:37:29 1996 To: marmstrong <marmstrong@snowcrest.net> From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar] Subject: Re: around today? Cc: Bcc: At 05:46 PM 11/2/96 -0800, you wrote: > >>>>In the meantime, please don't be hard >>>>on yourself. I picked up just a little >>>>bit of self-depreciation. Am I right? >>> >>>It is my way of pre-apologizing for >>>unintented relationship faux pas. This is an oxymoron, yes? "Pre-apologizing" is like saying, "You're not going to like this," and then I can say, "How would you know?" That's all the fun of a new relationship, don't you think? Being spontaneous and knowing the other can join in. >> >>I did not feel that way at all. >>That is why I said what I did; >>you are doing this to yourself. >> >Yes. That is entirely correct. Now you have grown out of that faux pas already. I have decreed it so. > >Here's an analogy: I have a program >called Tuneland with Howie Mandel >that came with my computer. It is a >children's program with cartoon animals >and silly songs in Howie's voice. I find >it to be very obnoxious and irritating. > >When I did a clean up of my memory, I tried >to remove old "Tuneland." Apparently it has >hidden memory files and some of them are >necessary for the proper function of other >windows programs. I erased what I could, but >when I start up windows I get an error message >on FMedia (probably has something to do with >MPEG.) I don't know how to fix it so I just >hit ok in acknowledgement and go on. > >Once in a while I will hit the wrong button and >Tuneland will start up and then freeze. There is >no way to get out of it except to shut down and >restart. I don't want to go to Tuneland. I just >have to remember not to hit the wrong button. > >I haven't discovered any other programs that are >affected by my alterations to Tuneland, but it >will probably pop up unexpectedly or cause a >malfunction when I run a program that I rarely >use. Were you referring to the notion of "tapes," in which a behavior pattern becomes ingrained, and runs itself whenever it is energized by some external event? You know, our biological make-up is governed by these long pre-coded sequences, so you should not feel that this is something unusual or aberrant. Take a close at DNA, and you will see exactly what I mean. The function of reverse transcriptase is to initiate a long replication sequence, down at the building-block level of life. These are processes which work their way into our conscious existence, eventually. Understanding this process is a way of reaching for the Most High, who set an immensely vast pre-coded sequence into motion, complete with freedom is an essential biological trait. I also detected the notion of "hang-up" or "sensitive button" in the analogy, as if there are nagging bugs in your personality which just won't seem to go away, no matter how hard you try. Isn't everybody that way, or do you feel there are some special examples in your own personality? > >I have often been criticized >>of "rushing" things in relationships. >>Maybe a better model is organic >>biology, in which flowers bloom >>in their own good time. Do you >>like flowers? I love daffodils >>and plumeria, in any order. >> >Not at all. I was speeding along right >there with you. Thought I was, perhaps, >rushing too fast because I was enjoing it >so much. I too sense that you are enjoy it, and this brings joy to me also. You would not believe how dark the rest of my Internet world is at the present time. Like it or not, I am now tangling with the outer "front" layer of the Centers for Disease Control, which has now been directly implicated in the Gulf War Illnesses, now proven to be contagious. After a logical build-up, I found it necessary to inundate their Local Area Network (LAN) with 350 copies of the White House Constitution. That got their attention. But, now I am being watched even more closely. My Atlanta contact got hit directly: virus wiped her hard disk. That was after "they" were blocking my email to this contact. Setting aside the emotional factor, I am learning to interpret these events as feedback from the Holy Spirit that the work is now reaching critical mass. The giant must growl; otherwise, you are just pinching his horns. > >(I know what you meant last night >about needing a nap. I once had a >group of kittens that needed to find >homes. They were barricaded in the >kitchen with a board. They would meow >and try to climb the barrier all night >until they would literally fall over in >a dead sleep. I tend to get that way >when I'm excited.) You are a kitten, then. I thought so. That means that you can purr. > >>>Maybe I need a code word like "bookmark" >>>- meaning, taking care of business will >>>get back to you. >> >>check. >> >> "Reality check" - >>>meaning, hold on there you're going too >>>fast and we need to straighten out >>>a miscommunication or assumption. >> >>We call it "pushing the stack" >>in computer science; this means >>that you hold the current routine, >>and branch to a different routine, >>and then return when you finish the >>latest routine. "Returning" is called >>"popping the stack". Imagine an >>in-box placed on a scale, and each >>new document pushes the lower ones >>down by equal amounts, so the top >>documents is always at the same >>elevation. >> >Sort of like "sidebar" in journalism >or "link" in html? "link" is close, but you are under no obligation to return from whence you came. With a "stack," you MUST return from whence you came; it's the only way to go, since the processes awaiting execution are there because they are unfinished. This is a formal model for task scheduling. > >One structure I like is to strive >>for 50/50 time: you get 50% of the >>clock time in a conversation, and I >>get 50% of the clock time in a >>conversation. The one whose time >>it is, can yield to the other, but >>only by choice. Wanna play? >> >Yes. I think that is what I was originally >trying to get at. I was having just too >good a time feeling the focus of attention >and felt like a hog. You don't sound like a hog, and you don't look like a hog, (I am relying here on your own description of yourself), :) so, you cannot be a hog, no way!! If it walks like a duck, and flies like a duck, and swims like a duck, IT MUST BE A DUCK! So, you walk like a princess, swim like a dolphin, fly like an eagle, and sing like a dove. >> >>I saw a fantasy picture of you in a >>clothing advertisement in today's >>local paper. Would you mind if I >>were to scan it and email it to you? >> >No, but how do I read it. This is an example of sharing hard-copy originals, which must be scanned, either with a scanner, or with a fax machine. Do you have Windows PAINTBRUSH? (Also, keep >in mind that I never was the Prom >Quenn, cheeleader category. (To my >mother's vocalized disappointment - >she once tried to call me Marcie, but >it never fit.) I don't get it. Who is Marcie, a TV character? Also, remember that I am >46 (almost 47) I remember. I am 48+, do you remember? and, although I am amazingly >virtually wrinkle-free, things have shifted >some from my younger days. i.e. may I >suggest that you don't develop unrealistic >expectations. I am 30 lbs. overweight, so I should be hypocritical to hold "anyone" to a standard of perfection, even myself. That way you won't be >disappointed if we should ever manage to >meet. I wasn't thinking "if" but "when". I hope you don't mind if I am rather forward. After this introduction, meeting is a must, don't you agree? We have a chance here to become lifelong friends, and that is a chance I will not pass up, not for all the earthly riches in the world. By the way, do you know an Alan & Rebecca Call in Redding? I got something from them today, and wanted to know if it was at your prompting. > >Bear in mind that the model is >>a bit younger than you, but I did >>feel your influence in my dreams last >>night. Did you send me any mental >>pictures on purpose, or were these >>pictures of my own making? > >I worked the football snack shack and was >dead tired. I'll bet. I tried to send a visual image >of a glass snow scene ball I didn't get that image. I got a different one. See below. and tried to >find my copy of the movie Robin Hood to >load some visual scenery pictures, With Kevin Costner? that Robin Hood? (robbing hoodlum) but my >concentration was unfocussed. I went to bed >and curled up snuggling a side pillow (as >I occassinally do for comforting.) I do that too. How amazing. I can't >remember my dreams of last night. I forgot them the moment I woke up, but then I asked for help remembering, and the memory returned: I was wearing a ring upside down on the wrong hand. A woman's voice explained the right way; she reached over and helped adjust it; and then everything was ok. The dream ended there. It was very short, and enigmatic at the time. I think I understand it now. I must rely upon my friends to guide me to safety. It is not safe here. This place is very dark with sin and corruption. The ring is a key, and it was on my right hand as a sign that I am out of place, and need to move it to the other hand, to find my place. My faith is being tested big time right now; I am terrified of relying on others, and yet this time I must, because that Other is the Most High, and He beckons me to surrender. It would be like leaping off the Golden Gate Bridge, to a soft landing in another dimension. My intuition tells me to disappear for a while, and do something simple, to rediscover beauty, warmth, friendship, laughter, and love. Maybe take up piano, do typing during days, go deep underground. The noosphere is in place to manage data flows; the Holy Spirit is in charge of orchestrating the electrons; once I have done my part, I can enjoy the reward I have prayed for. Physical place is not important for the work, only for the company. I am picturing a soft winter's snow fall right now, with a warm fireplace, hot apple cider, and lucious lipstick for the asking. As one friend put it today, during the height of our mutual disclosures about the contagion, everything is becoming more and more transparent. I want a partner who can see the good that has been hidden deep in my heart, and was beat down by a milieu that was unable to understand the gifts I was born with -- some have called it genius, but it takes one to know one, I know that much. > >This is >>a reality check for me. > >Also, I am >>probing you about your taste in >>clothes. > >My figure is long-wasited and I have been >well "endowed by my creater." I do best >in "tailored" clothes that move in rythm >with the body. (I took ballet when I was >small.) I don't like frilly things with >lots of ruffles, but lace is good. I >wear jeans and tight fitting tee shirts or >sweatshirts for casual wear. I wear long >skirts and sweaters for work. I hang around >the house in sweatpants and sweatshirts or >shorts and tee shirts. I sleep in a short >belly button tee shirt or in the nude. I >have a full wardrobe of "teddies" in a drawer >and a full box of business suits in the attic. > >What do you wear? Usually nothing, or underwear and a T-shirt if I am cold. > >You will find that I am >>a rather direct person, so you should >>not be afraid to say that you do not >>like something. Process of elimination >>is very very effective, even though >>it does take extra time. We have lots >>of time, Marcia: you were conceived >>into eternal life, you know. >> >I am, by nature, I believe, very direct also. >I have found most people are taken aback by >this. Especially, in male/female relationships >it can get real wierd, when you bang pots and pans >in the kitchen to indicate your mad, etc.) Did you see "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"? Steve Martin has a scene where he is this infantile adult locked in a big playroom, and when Michael Caine arrives with his next "victim", Ruprict must bang on the drums for her. It is hilarious. > >>> >>>>Later, okay? >>>> >OK >>>>/s/ Paul Mitchell >>> >>>Signing off till later to get down to >>>swabbing the home decks. >> >>I love it when everything >>is squeeky clean. I am not >>exactly meticulous about these >>things, but I do enjoy a long >>hot shower, after doing laundry, >>sheets, towels, then a careful >>shave, and everything takes >>on a completely different feel. >>It's a little bit of heaven to >>know that nothing is then off-limits >>to the gentle touch of all hands. >> >Afraid you have a creative researcher on >this side. Piles of books and articles >stacked. Do housework when it gets so >bad that I feel guilty. >>> >>>Mar >><snip> >>>> >>>PS: Sorry about tardiness of response. My local server >>>must be swamped. I keep getting a Cause "time out" on >>>Eusora and Netscape won't connect. I'll keep trying >>>periodically. >>>MHA >> >>I am still trying to find time to get >>back to your previous email. Will you >>mind if I take some time later to go >>through it carefully, and give you >>feedback? I will try to be as loving >>and constructive as I can, with the >>hopes of helping you see how you were >>unnecessarily hard on yourself. > >OK - Take your time. I know you >will ccome back. > >Guess I was self anal-izing. > >>I am standing by. >> >>/s/ Paul Mitchell > >Mar >>=========================================================== >>Paul Andrew, Mitchell, B.A., M.S.: pmitch@primenet.com >>ship to: c/o 2509 N. Campbell, #1776, Tucson, Arizona state >>=========================================================== >> >> >> > >
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