Time: Mon Nov 04 22:27:45 1996
To: "Marcia H. Armstrong" <siskfarm@snowcrest.net>
From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: Re: Reality Check
Cc: 
Bcc: 

Hi Marcia,

I can't tell you how much I have
looked forward to the chance to
sit down here, and give you my
fullest attention.  The past few
days have been so hectic, with
all that "stuff" you noticed in
my previous mail.  This will be
a chance to spend time together,
or "alone together," as Dave Mason's
old album was called.


At 01:47 PM 11/4/96 -0800, you wrote:
>At 11:22 PM 11/3/96 -0800, you wrote:
>>>Dear Paul:
>>
>>>Help ! I am feeling very
>>>uncomfortable with the mixture
>>>of your activist agenda with 
>>>our correspondence off LLAW. 
>>>
>(snipped for brevity)
>
>>I will, but you need to give
>>me some guidelines, because I do
>>not know you well enough to
>>appreciate *where* your "gut muscles"
>>are not set for the punch.
>>Fair enough?  I am a Warrior, Marcia,
>>and my "weapon" is my computer.  I am
>>fighting for the children, yours of
>>course, and everyone else's.
>
>(As you ask, I will give you some 
>examples as parameters when I am 
>on my home computer.) 

That will be good.  I am quite prepared
to admit that this political action I
am doing is a surrogate for any other
deep relationships which are now lacking
in my life.

 
>
>>You need to ask yourself if you 
>>can get enough security from me
>>to maintain a close relationship.
>>That may be an ongoing problem,
>>both financial and emotional.
>
>On the personal level, I can say that
>there are times in our correspondence
>that I have received more "emotional"
>support than I have ever experienced 
>from anyone through talk in my entire 
>life. 
>
>It was as though you were this calm trusted
>internal voice guiding me safely through 
>exploration of my inner self and life.

I was trying to be that, so my
attempt were successful, evidently.
I feel good about that, for you,
and for me.

>
>As for financial support; I have worked
>since I was 16 - full time since 23, with
>time-out only for babies and the gift of 
>two years given to me out of love by someone
>who was emotionally incapable of carrying such
>a load. I have been self-supportive and have 
>supported dependents, including my spouse. At
>times, I earned far more than my spouse. 
>
>I must admit that I am currently fighting
>from slipping into greater and greater poverty. 
>I do love my home, but may face the fact that
>I will have to sell it and downsize and, perhaps,
>downsize again over my life. It is a problem 
>I keep "turning over," but does not appear to 
>get fixed. (Which usually means it is not meant to.)

I am primarily concerned about my
ability to support myself.  After
several huge setbacks in the law
profession, I can only console myself
to think that these were successful
efforts to sabotage an otherwise
sound legal strategy, which was correct
and likely to prevail, with disastrous
results for the United States.  I would
not normally toot my own horn in such 
a fashion, but my knowledge of the
pertinent law in these situations has
been unassailable, on a level playing
field.  So, the field got tipped.

>
>I ask for no financial support from anyone. And
>I am unprepared to offer it to anyone but my 
>children - to the best of my resources.

On the salary you are now making,
that is all that you can do.


>
>I must admit that in the back of my mind, I 
>would love a rich man to ride up on his 
>white charger and sweep my problems away. The
>kind that doesn't exact obligations as part 
>of the deal. The kind who just freely wants to
>take care of you because he wants to, not because
>he's expected to, or that its a pride-thing or
>that he wants to "own" you. 

There are men out there like that.
I wish I were one of them.  That may
change, but I can fully appreciate
how the adversary must do whatever
it can to scuttle these frontal and
collateral attacks;  I must be made
to appear as an improbable risk to
more and more potential clients.
They would like it very much if I 
were to just shut up.  I have been
told that many times.

I am raising this matter of security
early on, because I am worried that
you may need more of it from me than
I can provide to you at this point
in time, on several levels.  I know
that I can minimize discussion about
these "political" matters, and that
would probably do me a lot of good too.
But when it comes to finding a regular
satisfying job, that is something which
I just do not have at the present time.
The seminars offer lots of promise, but
again, they are on the upper end of the
risk scale, given the political climate
(storm?) surrounding them.


>
>About a year ago, I went to my parent's 50th
>Anniversary. The families gathered at Bend 
>Oregon, which is a yuppies resort. My sister 
>and her husband and two kids and me and mine and
>my parents were all in the same house. 
>
>There were wonderful boutiques, white water rafting, 
>bicycling, restaurants and all the other things I
>couldn't afford. My mother bought us new clothes and
>my parents paid for the house and some activities. 
>(I haven't purchased any new clothes since 1994 and
>they grow so fast.) I felt so bad, but knew it was 
>my pride and to accept gratefully and with humility.
>My kids reacted by rejecting some of the proffered
>expensive activities and going with me to 
>the park museum, the observatory, shooting baskets, 
>walking around and doing things that were cheap.
>
>It seems I always have to say no to them.
>They know this and make it easier on me. I am 
>so proud that my son has a weekend job at the age
>of 14 1/2, is responsible and mature and will be 
>able to take care of himself.

You say no about money, mostly,
but you say yes in lots of other ways,
am I right here?
 
>
>My daughter works two jobs while she goes to 
>college, but had to do so on scholarships and 
>grants and a bit of help from my folks.

There is no rush to completing college
in 4 years, other than peer pressure.
Five or six years is fine too;  college
students fail to appreciate the heavy
influence of peers, whose values are no
better established;  actually, they are
more in flux than anything else.

>      
>>Because of vicious lies which 
>>have been circulated, namely,
>>that I am some kind of deep cover
>>operative, I have been stiffed big
>>time by almost every clients during the
>>past 8 months:  $10,000 from Elizabeth
>>Broderick;  $3,000 from Sheila Wallen;
>>$10,000 from The Freedom Center in
>>Billings;  $1,200 from a colleague;
>>$2,000 + many damages from New Life
>>Health Center Company (FBI lied there,
>>to scuttle my legal strategy, soon to
>>be published, if I can find an investor).  
>>If there is a pattern, it is that the
>>opposition must resort to sabotage,
>>which they know how to do very very well.
>>Just witness the results.  IRS absconded
>>with $4,000 from a bank account which 
>>was being used to deposit advance wholesale
>>payments for The Federal Zone (4 @ $1,000
>>to pay for 100 copies each, drop-shipped
>>from the factory).  We are very slowly
>>moving against the bank:  Wells Fargo 
>>in California, for deprivation of 
>>fundamental Rights under color of law.
>>U.S. v. O'Dell says the bank must be
>>presented with a warrant of distraint.
>
>I am sorry that this has happened to you.

I am too.  I could be on a train, headed
in your direction right now, without 
having to worry one bit about the next
rent payment, or other essentials.
I don't like living like this.  I need
to change it.  I don't want to lean or
depend on others to get by month-to-month.
I had to strike back about the lies, because
they were particularly vicious.  Please don't
feel that you ever need to lie to me;  it's
another thing to withhold things, but outright
lying is just not acceptable from people in 
my life.
 
>
>>Anyway, the Spirit is now informing me
>>that my steel is being tempered, because
>>I am right on target.  So, ask yourself
>>how much security you really need, and
>>then make an objective assessment as to
>>whether you could ever secure same from
>>me, given what you already know. 
>
>I need to remind *myself* that my only 
>security comes in my relationship with 
>God in Christ. As an alcoholic, I cannot 
>afford resentments or pride. (HALT -
>hunger; anger; loneliness; and tiredness
>are vulnerable conditions for me.) They are the 
>poisons of the soul. I must remind myself
>to remain in a place of humility in my 
>ego and in my expectations of myslef and 
>others in order to be capable of receiving
>grace, appreciative of the wonder of it and
>capable of giving love.
>
>>I owe it to my father to walk in his shadow.
>>Have I shared with you the essay entited,
>>"We Took That Mountain"?
>
>Yes, Paul, I have kept it.
> 
>/s/ Paul Mitchell
>
>/s/ Paul Mitchell
>
>Marcia A. 
      


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