Time: Tue Nov 26 06:13:57 1996
To:
From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: late 20th century computing (was "Trekkie Joke")
Cc:
Bcc: Electra Briggs, Liberty Law
>From: liberty@hollyent.com
>Date: Tue, 26 Nov 1996 04:08:18 -0700
>Subject: Re: Trekkie Joke
>To: pmitch@primenet.com
>
>================[ Distributed Message ]================
> ListServer: liberty (BRASSROOTS Liberty Watch Listserver)
> Type: Not Moderated
> Distributed on: 26-NOV-96, 04:07:28
>Original Written by: IN:pmurphy@rtd.com.
>=======================================================
>
>
>Thank you so very much, HotLead, but I'm baffled by your address. Who are
>you? Not that I care, mind you. I loved it!
>
>Forgive my ignorance,
>
>Phil
>--
>Star Trek Lost Episode
>
><Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
>finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access
>their command pathways?"
>
><Geordi>"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through
>our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
>
><Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
>
><Riker looks puzzled.> "What the heck is 'Microsoft'?"
>
><Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will send this program,
>for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once
>inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources
>at an unstoppable rate."
>
><Picard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
>processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
>
><Data> "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
>version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases
>exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
>quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken
>over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."
>
><Picard> "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
>geometric shape' idea."
>
>. . . . 15 Minutes Later . . . .
>
><Data> "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
>command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources.
>We however have not received any confirmation of the expected
>'upgrade'."
>
><Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
>capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to
>compensate for their increase."
>
><Picard> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is
>something we have missed."
>
><Data> "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the
>'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by
>not sending in their registration cards.
>
><Riker> "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
>emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
>
><Geordi, excited> "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
>suddenly dropped to 0% !"
>
><Picard> "Data, what does your scanners show?"
>
><Data> "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
>named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
>
><Picard> "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
>functionality."
>
>. . . . Two Hours Pass . . . .
>
><Riker> "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"
>
><Geordi> "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
>compensate
>> for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully
>increase resources I have set-up our closest deep space monitor beacon to
>transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft
>fun-pack'.
>
><Picard> "How much time will that buy us ?"
>
><Data> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
>time span of 6 more hours."
>
><Geordi> "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
>
><Picard> "Identify."
>
><Data> "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"
>
><Over the speakers> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
>FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE
>IN THIS
>SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10
>SECONDS"
>
><Data> "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
>thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
>
><Picard> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
>
><Riker> "Good grief, captain! Those are humans floating straight toward
>the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the
>tortures of deep space ?!"
>
><Data> "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
>closer, I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized
>by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing
>Armani suits"
>
><Riker and Picard together horrified> "Lawyers !!"
>
><Geordi> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling
>into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
>
><Data> "True, but apparently some must have survived."
>
><Riker> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all
>types of papers."
>
><Data> "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape'. It
>often proves fatal."
>
><Riker> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
>
><Picard> "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the
>Borg deserve that."
>--
>
>"-- We are not Borg.
> -- We have not been assimilated.
> -- Resistance is not futile.
> -- We are the Libertarian Party."
> -- Something on the back of a
> former congressional candidate's
> purple shirt...
>
>... Not that I'm saying who that might be, you understand.
>
>Phil ;-}
>
>
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